A double-edged sword.
+ T H U R V A Y N

((Dunmer/Altmer Vampire Lord.
Current M!A: None
Current Arc: None

Independent Skyrim OC RP/Ask Blog.
Tracks the tag #loyalindoril
Mod is 18+

DISCLAIMER: Possible triggering themes include racism, rape, extreme violence, gore, religious content, and depression.

Beautiful Profile Art by TheMinttu))

It was not an odd thing for Dalamus to show up on occasion, especially since Thurvayn had been showing him meditation techniques to calm himself. This time, though, he was looking for Avrusa. He had gotten close to her over the years, but it was not until he realized that he was missing his biological mother greatly that he also realized how much he appreciated Avrusa in his life.

When he found the womer, Dalamus hesitated a moment before wrapping his arms around her in a gentle hug, resting his cheek against her hair. It was quiet until he spoke, and it was in a soft, near-whisper. “Thank you, Avrusa. For being a mother to me.”

The womer had long since become accustomed to the way the vampires in the house moved so silently, so that when she was touched she was hardly startled at all. Originally, without the enhanced senses the vampires had at their disposal, she had thought it was Thurvayn. But his taller and wider frame did not lend him the flexibility to press his cheek to her hair; and then she thought Llanythe.. But while he was quiet in his movements, he usually announced his presence. As did Midryne, and it was rare Sath hugged her..

It was his voice that finally put the pieces in order for her. She gave a soft smile and her ears pulled back a bit. She moved to hug the arms that were around her, but otherwise did not move to disrupt the mer.

But what was she to say to that? Thurvayn had brought him home, and adopted him, and she just went along with it? Over the years it had become more than that, yet still she wasnt sure what was appropriate to say—it was as if her biological son had just said ‘thank you for being my mother”. How exactly did one react to that?

But then she remembered the clear difference between Llanythe and Dalamus… And she knew immediately. “You’re welcome, Dalamus~ You are a good son, and I will always be here for you, just as I have these past years~”

An Epiphany

"Thurvayn?" Dalamus called as he approached the home. He bowed his head to Avrusa, giving a small smile as he came to stand beside the other vampire. For a moment, he seemed unable to put his thoughts into words, but eventually found them.

"I was thinking about what you said, Thurvayn… And I have come to a decision." He peered up at the older mer, his tone serious. "I am not my father’s son. He was no father to me, and I refuse to be his victim, hating the world as he did. I refuse to let my life be ruined by all the venom he placed in me. I wish to throw away the distrust he instilled in me, and not be terrified of pain and betrayal. I wish.. to be myself, I suppose, without his influence."

It felt nice to say that. All of that. Like he was releasing the anger that he usually kept in a vise-like grip. Starting over? Not quite. He doubted it was so easy as that. But he wished to try. He wished to stop blaming, and just do. “You and Avrusa have taught me much, and I thank you for that. Thank you for, ah.. well.. for being the parents I never had.” He averted his gaze slightly and brought a hand to his hair in a nervous gesture. “I hope I do not disappoint.”

The paired Dunmer watched the younger as he approached, turning to face him fully. Avrusa gave a smile and nodded to him in return. Both watched with quiet expectancy as he thought about his words, Avrusa with curiosity, Thurvayn with calm.

Both gave proud grins as Dalamus gave his thoughts out to the air, with Ava looking to her husband for his reaction—and by the Gods, did he look proud. “Son, there is no way you can disappoint from this moment onward—your admission is the final step of realizing what is wrong, and how it may be fixed. After you know it, there’s nothing that can take that power from you. And I am proud of you, Dalamus. It took me far longer to come to that realization—and now the true healing can begin,” Thurvayn spoke, his pride for Dalamus heavily lacing his tone.

Avrusa was the first to offer Dalamus a hug, however. “Oh Dalamus, you are such a good boy~ I could point out so many other ‘mer who would give up, never face change and go on ignoring their problems—but you stuck to it. And still do. That alone speaks volumes, many breaths more than words by themselves. I can honestly say I speak for both Thurvayn and myself in that we are proud to call you our son—and any s’wit who would discard you has Racer Feathers for brains. Though.. Knowing what I do about that n’wah of a father of yours, he’s already Kwama crap for a brain.”

Thurvayn couldnt help but laugh, but then offered Dal a hug himself. “I truly do hope you are proud of yourself, son. You truly deserve it. I think you will be pleased at the changes you can make for yourself~”

(( so i’m finally making a page where you all can find all of my characters! it’s based off my personal blog (which i’m never on x-x) but i’ll be linking to it on my main blogs for everyone to see! ))

((Are you going to roleplay his children? o:))
(( honestly, i would love to. but their blog is stuck as a side blog on my
personal and very dead and still rather incomplete. i suppose i could do some sort of branch off for them on his blog :O
to be quite honest, the update on them was for keeping update on why they arent in the house, etc. but yea, i do have muses for them! not really strong ones, but i think i could do a few rps with them! ))

(( As a general notice, I’ve decided to timeskip thurvayn and his family. some of he rps dependant upon the timing needed while his children were younger have been dropped, and thus I feel it’ll be …more interesting? to move them along.

i decided to age them along with Dal’s family—+19 years as thats how llaara was aged. this places Llanythe at 35 years old, Midryne at 33 years, and Sathavsa at 28 years.

all the children have moved out, but still make efforts to visit their parents. llanythe works as a courier and a numbers man for the Thieves Guild. midryne followed in her father’s footsteps and became an assassin for the brotherhood. sath joined the brotherhood as well, but she does not take an active role in assassinry— instead, thurvayn passed on his position of lead poison maker to her so to retire.

thurvayn spends his days keeping his eye on the Blades, Harkon’s Court, and the Dawnguard. their loyal pup, Dremora, was killed in a fight when he was about 10—but by then thurvayn was sure the kids would be safe without his constant protection. he never got a new one, but spends most of his days at home with his wife, helping her tend the gardens instead of travelling all over creation ))

  • Sneak: fucking key and kzp feels just hitting me out of fucking nowhere fuck
  • Daski: aerdtcfghjkl;'
  • Sneak: THIS IS THE BEST AND WORST THING ABOUT ROLE PLAY
  • Daski: xD
  • Daski: ikr
  • Sneak: i think i'm in denial
  • Sneak: i think i do ship it
  • Daski: you totally ship it
  • Sneak: Fuck.
  • Daski: *hides all the cannons ever*
  • Sneak: NO
  • Daski: YES.
  • Sneak: HAUL OUT THE MAIN YARD
  • Daski: NO TAKING DOWN SHIPS
  • Sneak: BATTON THE HATCHES
  • Sneak: READY THE GUNS
  • Daski: NO *TAKES GUNS*
  • Sneak: NOT ON MY LIFE I HAVE PIRACY IN MY BLOOD
  • Sneak: NO
  • Sneak: I HAVE A SHIP
  • Sneak: AND I HAVE A CREW
  • Sneak: AND WE'RE GOING TO SINGAPORE
  • Daski: AND I'M TAKING ALL YOUR GUNS AND YOU CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT
  • Sneak: THEN I SHALL THROW CUTLERY AT THEM
  • Sneak: AND WE SHALL TAKE OVER ANOTHER MERCHANT VESSEL AND GET MORE CANNONS
  • Sneak: AND GUNS
  • Sneak: AND SPEARS
  • Sneak: AND STICKS
  • Sneak: AND FORKS
  • Sneak: AND CHEESE
  • Daski: XDD
  • Sneak: CHEESE IS GOOD FOR RIPPING THROUGH SAILS
  • Sneak: AND THEN I WILL RESUME COURSE TO SINGAPORE
Listen to Your Elders [ Dalamus | Thurvayn ]

dalamusrex:

loyalindoril:

Something that he was supposed to learn as a child? So, then, once again he had Drevain to thank for the problems in his life. Or perhaps it was his own fault for not trying to learn them, himself. …Or maybe it was a little bit of both of their faults. Yeah, that sounded better than just blaming himself. But most of the blame was on Drevain, of course. Nevertheless, it was something he needed to learn now because he had not learnt it then. He knew that patience was not his strong suit, and it never had been, but perhaps that would change, as well, with Thurvayn’s help. How much could be learned, and how much could be changed? And how much of it was just.. him? Perhaps this was why he insisted on being so prideful—admitting how many faults he had was rather depressing.

When Thurvayn’s wife began speaking, Dalamus turned to acknowledge her. There it was again, someone telling him to listen to people. “E’hla probably would have slapped me,” he mumbled. Avrusa seemed to have more patience than her, at times. “E’hla does not always listen to me when I try to explain myself. She views my past as excuses. Perhaps.. I phrase it wrong, or something, but when I tell her these things it is my way of asking for help. But she shoves it away and tells me to grow up, and that her patience is wearing thin. Or, at least she usually does. Until I stopped insisting my point, and just listened to her. Then she thanked me and offered me help. So.. I suppose I was wrong, all the times before. I do not like being wrong. But I will admit it.” His voice was quiet, as though he only wanted Thurvayn and Avrusa to hear it. “It is.. difficult for me to understand another’s view. It requires time, and I am not patient, so I often decide to disregard it because it is easier, I suppose.”

It was when Avrusa mentioned his wife and daughter that he shifted uneasily in his seat, awaiting a solid scolding. That was not exactly what came, but he did not enjoy being compared to Thurvayn. He knew that Thurvayn was many things that he was not. What Dalamus heard was ‘Thurvayn is better than you, and this is why,’ and he struggled to not take offense, but he listened. Why was he always the one that needed to change? Why was everything always his fault? He hated it. He hated it so much. “If I remove myself… If I cannot protect them, then who will?”

And then she spoke of how he was their adopted son, and he swallowed, finally averting his gaze from her eyes and into the tea in front of him. Gods, he wanted to hide. Parents meant expectations, responsibilities, and those were frightening. But he did enjoy the warmth with which they spoke to him. It was much preferred from the yelling and arguing he had been getting recently.

" ‘Protecting’ does not always mean ‘keeping safe’—physical protection does not always ‘keep one safe’ the way that avoidance can. But, they can physically protect themselves, Dalamus… Just as I do, and our children do, when Thurvayn is not here. You must be willing to trust your family, just as they trust you. But also remember that others are willing to understand your opinions—"

"If you are not insisting they are the only correct opinion… If I were to insist the sky is green and the grass blue, you would think I am insane for insisting it, correct? It would be my opinion, but not the popular one,” Thurvayn interjected.

Ava gave him a light slap on the arm for interrupting her—the older mer merely gave a soft giggle. “Yes. But also if you are willing to return the favor and attempt to understand their views. Dear, I didnt want to upset you with my words,” she said, watching him even though he had averted his eyes. “But the reason I used Thurvayn as an example is because I know you look up to him. Do not think of it as ‘he is better than me’, but of ‘I can be as good as him—one day’. Remember that he is your age, plus four more of your ages. He has had the time to learn, and has apparently suffered many of the battles you are facing now.”

"Dalamus, I dont want you to make the mistakes I have. Several that should have broken my spirits by now. That is why I —we," Thurvayn spoke, turning a smile toward his wife, "want to teach you this before you have to learn it the hard way, like I did. But. You must also remember that I learned many lessons that majorly changed me for the better—but also were things that were very tough for me to break. Do you think I enjoyed having to give up that lifestyle? No more than you did when you got married, Dal. Ohh yes, I remember that…~ But look how that one major change turned out for so much better… Dont think of it as you are a bad person, or that you are wrong—think of it as though you have a bad habit, something that Drevain taught you wrong."

anitagaughan:

Happy holidays everyone! :) x
Listen to Your Elders [ Dalamus | Thurvayn ]

dalamusrex:

loyalindoril:

When Dalamus heard the footsteps and heartbeat of someone entering the room, his eyes flicked towards her, but he did not turn. Mostly he felt more vulnerable, like a child in trouble being told to stand at the front of the class for all eyes to see. He could swear he felt her eyes on him, probably judging and blaming, and he sunk a little further in his seat.

He listened quietly to Thurvayn as he told his story, and while he had a difficult time connecting the older mer’s experiences to his own, he could appreciate the fact that he was not the only one who had gone through something like this. He was not the only person to screw up in the world.

Then Thurvayn spoke of him, that he thought himself invincible and atop the world, and that everyone else was wrong. Everyone else was usually wrong, he wanted to say, but kept his mouth shut. That kind of thinking had only caused him grief. “My family and friends are more important,” he said after a moment. “I live for them now. I did not have anything to live for before I had them. Perhaps I am still too set in that time,” the mer admitted in a mumble. “I would not throw them away for anything. They mean more to me than myself.”

Self-control? He supposed that could be the problem. Was anger a part of that? He still had his cheek laying against his arm on the table like a despondent teenager. But then Thurvayn said he was willing to help, and he picked his head up slowly. Everyone else had tried to help, and he had shoved them away. But not this time. He did not want to lose his loved ones. Dalamus nodded, silently agreeing to come around more often so that Thurvayn may teach him about these things that he was missing. Meditation sounded.. odd, but if it would make things better, then he wanted it.

He took the mug of tea that was set before him and gave a soft word of thanks to the womer before sipping it. “It is good,” he assured her softly, although his eye contact with her was minimal. It was not out of disrespect, but perhaps slight fear of being judged by someone he did not know quite as well, despite having been here many times before. It was a sensitive subject they were speaking of.

"It will not be an easy road, Dalamus… You will need to learn something that is to be learned young, or takes a lot of patience to learn. I can almost certainly say you will lose patience with me—but please remember that no matter what your mind may tell you, that I will always care for you and never mean you any harm," Thurvayn concluded upon Dalmaus’ silent agreement to take his help. "Self-control includes being able to tell yourself ‘no—that is wrong’."

"It also means listening to others, dear," Avrusa spoke up. The older mer looked to his wife, who was regarding the younger ‘mer with a soft smile. "Being able to hear, to understand, someone else’s side of the story is very important.

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Listen to Your Elders [ Dalamus | Thurvayn ]

dalamusrex:

loyalindoril:

As always, Dalamus was ready for a berating, for a scolding or declarations of disappointment. But, as always, he was surprised when it did not come. He was hesitant to go inside, having hoped that the answer would have been quick and easy. But no such luck. He allowed Thurvayn to lead him into the home, and solemnly took a seat at the table. “Tea sounds nice,” he said quietly.

He waited for Thurvayn to sit at the table, but it was a moment before he actually peered up at the older mer from the wood of the table. Suddenly the cracks and nooks and crannies seemed much more interesting than anything he had to say. But he had come this far. Why not let Thurvayn know the depths of his stupidity just like everyone else knew? He should not miss the chance to call Dalmaus an immature idiot.

With a long pause and then a sigh, Dalamus started speaking. “I believe it started when Llaara caught me after having fed from a Breton outside of town. I had killed him, and she.. did not like that, at all. I did not understand why she did not like it, and she attempted to explain it to me, but I still did not understand, and I told her that my views were right. I see now that I was not right. I was just stubborn and insensitive.

"After that, E’hla heard the gossip of the guards. My killings had become too frequent, and the guards are suspecting that there is a vampire within Riften. E’hla said I would get caught and put everyone in danger, and instead of admitting that she might be right, I argued that I would not. It was not until she brought up the time that I.. cheated on her, and threatened to kill me if my behavior got worse, that I conceded and agreed with her."

He could not look at Thurvayn anymore, not while his flaws were being laid so bare, while he was so vulnerable. His eyes instead went to his hands where they were folded atop the table. “Another vampire pulled me aside and told me the same, that I would get my family in trouble. And that the other vampires who live in the Rift would rat me out if I continued. Afterwards, Tortulja came to me from working at the Hall, where she saw one of the beggars I had drained and killed. She offered me alternatives to killing, and instead of trying to change, I stubbornly defended my views. She got so mad… She began cursing at me, and she said the one word, the one word that I could not stand, that Drevain would use towards my mother instead of her name, and I snapped. I grabbed her chin so she could not look away, and I said I could kill her if I wanted to, and that she should not speak to me that way. She headbutted me to get away, breaking her nose in the process, and pulled a silver dagger from its sheathe to keep me away while she left the house.

"And now, I… The city is no longer safe for Llaara. She had to leave because of me, and she is now out in the wilderness with a boy that I do not trust to take care of her. Because she is safer out there with some former bandit’s brat than within the city or my arms." By the end of his story, his voice had begun to waver as all the guilt came at once. He leaned forward onto the table and hid his face in his arms, his voice muffled by them. "I cannot keep them happy. Surely they all hate me, will not forgive me. I just.. get angry, and then everything goes to Oblivion and I do not realize what I have done until it is over. One time it will be too late to make up for it, and I will have nothing."

The Vampire Lord sat silent as he listened to the lesser blood, committing the boy’s words to memory as he spoke. He was silent the whole time, and even when his wife shuffled into the room halfway through, he motioned to her to be quiet. Avrusa herself found her ears pulling back at Dalamus’ story, and she knew exactly which tea to start steeping.

Thurvayn allowed a long pause between when Dalamus stopped speaking, and when he began himself;

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Listen to Your Elders [ Dalamus | Thurvayn ]
dalamusrex replied to your post:

He swallowed. “I fear everything is not alright. My wife is displeased with my behavior. My daughter has had to leave to remain safe because of it, and my best friend suffered a broken nose from headbutting me after I grabbed her.

As Thurvayn listened, his ears wilted. A look of sheer shock took his face, his jaw falling just slightly at the news. “…Why dont we head inside to sit and chat, Dal?”

Surely where Dalamus was expecting a harsh hand of reprimand, Thurvayn’s came soft upon his shoulder, a reassuring touch—the same kind as always—gently gesturing the boy toward the farmhouse. “I’m sure Avrusa has some hot water boiling in the kettle and we can have some calming tea..” he said as he headed back onto the porch and opened the door for the younger of the pair.

Shutting the door behind himself, he motioned to Dalamus that he was welcome to it at the dining table, just as the last several hundred times the younger ‘mer had come to visit in the past years. As moved to take his jacket off and hang it upon a coat rack beside the door, he spoke up again; “Now… It seems you surely have been busy… Care to start at the beginning?” he finished, moving to sit at the table along with the younger vampire, his ears pulled back in worry for Dal.

dalamusrex said: Dalamus approached the older vampire, the one he viewed as a father. He felt as though he had little else he could do but to talk to someone who has not already yelled at him. The younger mer seemed bothered by something, or many things, and was avoiding eye contact even more than usual. "Thurvayn, if I may ask a question? How does one.. stop being angry?"

The older mer had been sweeping the porch and main pathways of freshly fallen snow, making some semblance of a path through the cumbersome white blanket for everyone to travel.

Upon the younger vampire’s arrival, the elder stopped and rested his hands on the end of the broom handle, his head tipping curiously to the side as he observed Dalamus’ behavior. At the posed question, the older mer huffed a chuckle, a great cloud of mist escaping his nose at the breath. 

"That is a question for sages, son. One that, even I cannot answer with complete and total accuracy. Unfortunately it seems that its mostly discipline. I was disciplined for years as an Ordinator to keep my head in check, to instead of becoming outwardly angry, to focus it in my action and let it power my will to do what is right. …Over the years I was not in service, I lost much of the discipline, and it is very possible for me to become outwardly aggressive again. But.. I guess it is focus. Bottle it, let it become fuel for something you desire, not something you wish ill of.

"…Whyever do you ask, Dalamus? Is everything alright?"

(( how are you guys finding this blog omg ))

For whom the (Wedding) bell tolls (Open~)

pleasedwithcheese:

Chira fiddled, nervously, biting her lip. She was hidden away, being prepared for the entire day.  She felt naked, vulnerable. No armor, no weapons, and no bag. For the first time in over a year, she figured. But it’d be worth it, right? She loved Mutt. She did. She was sure of that. And people in love got married. They did. She was sure of that. So why did this seem to terrifying? 

What if this wasn’t right? What if she did this wrong? What if she couldn’t be a good wife? What if she couldn’t control herself and did something bad? Did putting a label on what they had change what they had? Would it really make things different? What could she expect? Blue eye searched the small crowd. Her friends, her family. She noticed, with great sadness, that several of the people she invited did not appear to be in attendance. She sighed, carefully wiping her eyes like the women had shown her. Everything was okay. Everything was happy. This was happy. They were by a lovely pond, called Mara’s eye. Certainly that could only help. Cold water to douse on any.. trouble makers. 

Everything looked perfect. Sparkling gems hovered in the air, flowers abound. The weather was wonderful, the air carried the sweet scent of Nightshade. She had ensured every detail was perfect. Food was provided to the side. For those waiting patiently for the ceremony to start. It was truly lovely. Truly otherworldly. Not everyone could say their wedding decorations hovered through the air. Nor could they claim the giant gem who sat as the centerpiece to the wedding. And of course, the dragon dressed to bare the rings was a new twist.

So why did she feel the urge to run away? To hide? Was she ready for this? Was she making a mistake by marrying him? She took a deep breath, holding it as she smoothed out her dress for the tenth time in a row. She could use a pep talk right about now..

The old ‘mer was dressed in one of his better robes, arguably of Dunmeri origins, but chosen to be subtle, unremarkable in comparison to the bride’s and groom’s. He was behaving himself that day, letting his animosity toward some of the other attendees be swallowed—this was Chira’s big day, and she didnt need anything to ruin it.

He as well was keeping a close eye on her. She, by nature, was unpredictable, and, while under stress, could do anything imaginable (and unimaginable). So, as soon as he realized she was making those soft neurotic motions of upset, he moved over to her.

Giving her a smile, he spoke with that gentle fatherly tone; “Come now, where is that fearless Chira I know and raised? The one that pointed a bow at a vampire~?”

(via pleasedwithcheese)